Searchfortreasure's Blog

…a Bible student's notes…

You’ve heard about……….

You’ve heard about the guy who went deep sea fishing……the waves were high and the boat rode to the top of one and down the other side just to meet another one.  Many men were hanging onto the railings, “sick as a dog” as they say.  The captain came by this particular guy and said, “Don’t worry, mate.  This is temporary, you won’t die.”  Guy replies, “Shut up.  The only thing keeping me alive is hoping to die!”

(Trying to stir up some “medicine” for myself…… pain has accelerated and a headache has joined the “festivities.”)

Last night my sister dropped by and left a video that she had made of her home movies.  I’m glad she was on her way to church because watching together would have been a wailing party at a wake! 

  I saw our sons often because a lot of the scenes were of Christmas gatherings.  There were even snippets of Bob and me.  I was reminded of dad’s toothy smile.  One time Martha had caught dad giving mom a quick kiss.  My grandmother had a bunch of presents to open which turned out to be “house dresses” as they were called back then, nightgowns, a blanket and a shawl.  The filming began in 1968, and most of it were those very early years.  I saw Martha feeding her firstborn son cereal with a spoon as he used sucking motions.  He was too young for it really; but I did that,too.  We wanted the guys to sleep all night.  Maybe a full stomach would help.

Tears pooled in my eyes during the hour-long video.  However, I did get one giggle out of it.  Christmas, at mom and dad’s Dry Valley Road house.  Robert and David must have been 6 and 4 years old.  I see Robert round the kitchen entrance from the dining room, disappear and immediately David stumbles out into view.  Robert had pushed him and did not reappear.

Taken mostly from 1968 until 1971, with a little of the later 70s – I viewed it in September, 2009; and now I know what has happened since and even know what was happening back then when the camera was not on.  My first impulse is to run to my Father’s lap, show Him my “boo boo” – my hurts – and say. “kiss it, so that it will be well.”

I miss my dad most of all.  He was so good to me.  I knew he helped God hang the moon!  “George” was his name and means “husbandman.”  I thank the Lord that dad made it so easy for me to transfer my dependance, love and trust from him to my Heavenly Father.  My earliest memory of his tender care was when I was 4, no maybe 5, and had the measles.  I had a high fever so he laid beside me in the bed with his arm over me and sleep was peaceful.  In the morning when I became conscious, I could feel his arm still there; but when I opened my eyes, he had slipped away.  He was not physically present, but I could still feel him and know his love and security.

He was skinny all his life, but very strong.  I saw him running along with Martha’s firstborn hunting Easter eggs.  I also saw him scoot along with his walking——-then tied to his Gerry chair ——–confined to bed ————and felt his last heartbeat as he lay unconscious in his fetal position.  Alzheimer’s took him in October, 1988.  Twenty-one years since his death and I can still feel his arm around me  at 67 years old.

Mom lived to be 84 and loved to open presents.  In the movies, she can be seen opening her own gifts; but, it seemed to me, she was helping grandmother open hers mostly.  Well, seemed like most everyone helped grandma at one time or another, especially the children.  She may have been old (she died at 95), but I really don’t think she needed all that help!  She, too, was one strong lady.  Why is it that families think they need to help old people open presents.  Is that what I’ve got to look forward to?  Well, she was deaf!  Bone deaf – both ears, refusing to wear hearing aids.  Mama can be seen literally IN her ear telling her something about the dress, etc.  One time, I briefly appear and holler in her other ear!  (Well, she always told me she could hear me best of all.  Don’t know if that is a complement, however.)

After the viewing, I texted Martha that I wanted a “do over.”  I wanted the things off the record on her camera to be like the ones on the record the camera made of those snippets of our lives.  I want back those times I spanked my children in anger.  I want back the awful outbursts of hurting words to my husband and children.  Who was that person!  And, what do I do with all the recorded and unrecorded memories NOW?  How many times have I laid them at the feet of my Lord and reminded the Father of the shed blood of my Lord and Savior, Jesus, the Christ?

He will not mind that I am reminded again of His grace, mercy, and peace – in that order.

I have joined my husband in prayer many times and for many years for our Lord to “restore the years the locusts have eaten.” (from Joel 2:25  NAS – “Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent among you.”)

We beg the Lord for wisdom in order to buy back lost opportunities.  (from Ephesians 5:15-17)

And – just this morning, September 16th, Psalm 106 was in my readings which is a short history of Israel and her sins.  Then comes verse 44, beginning with the sweetest word in the Bible – “Nevertheless, He looked upon their distress, when He heard their cry…..”

Isa. 43: 18-19 (NAS) – “Do not call to mind the former things or ponder things of the past.  Behold I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it?  I will even make a roadway in the wilderness – rivers in the desert.”  (This is a watchword given to me for the new year, 2005, when in much distress.  Thank you, Father, for reminding me once again!)


September 16, 2009 - Posted by | About

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